What next??

It's nice how the crap from the past 2 weeks is just all left out of my blog : ) Wish I could do the same in real life! I'm recovering nicely from surgery, I feel "back to normal" whatever that is. And I know I am in NO way, shape, or form ready to go through another cycle, some tiny part of me of course screams get back on the horse, transfer some babysicles. On one hand it would be nice to just get it over with and use them up...that is of course if we just had a few - cycles in a row. I can not take the waiting game again...the being pregnant and knowing it is going to end. This whole thing just sucks, really, really sucks! God has a purpose for everything but what is teh purpose in Brian and I not being able to just have kids?!?! I guess thats liek asking what his purpose is in making poor children suffer with worthless parents...there is just no answer, but life would sure be easier if there were one.

Psalm 136:16
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

I truly believe this! I think my whole life was planned before I lived it (maybe I believe this so I can feel less guilty or bad about some of the shitty choices I've made in life!). Now if only I could see that book...skip ahead and find the chapter that says when I have another baby so I could have that to look forward too. Or even if there is no more chapters like that in my book, at least I would know now : (