This is the week

So technically we are currently "in cycle"...however we don't start in my mind until Wednesday. I have a huge box of drugs sitting on my kitchen counter, filled with many long, sharp needles. I've argued with myself back and forth for the past week or so "we're doing it" "Maybe we shouldn't do it". I've convinced myself we are a go and if it's that awful we will be done.

So Wednesday Brian has off of work. We have our nurse teaching appointment at 11:45 am. That will be Day 1 of my Lupron injections. While I am in no way, shape, or form even close to being started getting ready for Christmas...I just wish I could fast-forward to that time. we will be done cycling, done retrieving, done transferring, and our 2ww will be over as well.

Initially the thought of doing the genetic testing to determine gender had me aghast...but as I see all of the pink baby stuff out there...I have those feelings like I did at the beginning of my pregnancy wth Logan. It would be nice to have a boy and girl and be finished. I have also been wondering how another boy will impact my relaionship with him. I know you hear all the time people talking about they never imagined they could love another child as much...but he's my BOY, we have a special bond that I don't WANT to share with another little boy. But if that's what in the cards for us I'm sure we'll all adjust. Just seems too much like playing God to me. It's taken long enough for me to come to terms with what I even believe with all of this ART stuff and what God thinks about it.

Logan also has his 2 year well check that afternoon. I would reschedule but I made the appointment back in early September and this was the first they had available, so who knows when I could even get him in again. I am having a trial transfer Wednesday and I guess if it's that's terrible Brian can just take him, but I've never missed his appointments and I don't intend to start (see how the dynamic is already possibly changing??). Besides I will never be able to remember all my questions and relay them to Brian anyways...so I will just have to suck it up and go.

So here's to the start of what will be a very interesting 2 months!! Hopefully Brian and I make it through, hopefully the OHSS I am dreading so much (so much!) does not pay us a visit, hopefully time flies by, and hopefully we get a ++++ outcome.