So I went to the doctor this morning...day 3...ultrasound looks awesome, start stims tonight. Oh but wait, the nurse called to let me know my estrogen is 62, they don't want it above 40...so don't start stims, increase Lupron that has been making me feel like shit to 20 units instead of 5, and hope it goes down by Thursday or my cycle is cancelled.
I am just beyond mad. I told Brian this will be our last cycle, I can't do it anymore, and now I told him that whether its cancelled or not it will be over. And I feel like such an ass because while I've been telling myself it won't work and haven't been letting myself get excited, I think in the back of my mind I was convinced it would work, and now I'm just horribly devastated.
I know there is of course still a chance, but in my mind I feel like I know its over.
I have my beautiful, perfect Logan and if that's all God wanted me to have then so be it.
I hate those stupid people who just look at their husband and say "honey lets have a baby", do it once or God forbid maybe even two or three times, and oh my their pregnant. And yes I am throwing myself a pity party right now and don't care how mean I am...but I swear if I hear that Brian's sister is pregnant anytime during this wonderful holiday season I will just lose it!
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Its hard I remember both my sisters and sister in law getting pregnant at will. At the time we were told there was no hope so it was pretty hard. Thank God science marched on before I got any older!!
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